IFOCC
Can Crushing Federation
THE PARKING LOT AWAITS
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The Handbook
Read the official Version 1.0 (Parking Lot Edition) Handbook.
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Official Rules & Regulations
Version 1.0 (Parking Lot Edition)
1. Purpose of the Federation
The IFOCC exists to:
- Promote the sport of competitive can crushing.
- Standardize crushing procedures across participating parking lots.
- Develop future generations of elite crushers.
- Ensure fair competition and consistent adjudication.
- Protect the integrity of the sport from fraudulent crushing practices.
The Federation recognizes can crushing as a discipline requiring athleticism, precision, courage, questionable decision-making, and a complete disregard for clean footwear.
2. Competition Divisions
2.1 Recreational Division
The Recreational Division serves as the entry point for most athletes.
Eligible cans include:
- Standard 355 mL cans
- Standard 473 mL tall cans
- Similar commercially available beverage containers
Rules:
- Competitors must use a two-foot downward crushing motion.
- No pre-stomping.
- No folding, bending, or strategic weakening of cans.
- Can must remain upright before the attempt.
This division represents traditional can crushing values and is considered the foundation of the sport.
2.2 Open Division
The premier division of the IFOCC.
Rules:
- Anything goes.
- Any can size.
- Any crushing technique.
- Running starts permitted.
- Jumping, spinning, dramatic entrances, and unnecessary celebration are encouraged.
The Open Division exists to push the boundaries of human potential and orthopedic medicine.
2.3 Mixed Division
Widely regarded as the most technically challenging division.
Competition cans may include:
- Standard cans
- Tall cans
- Mini cans
- Energy drink cans
- Mystery cans selected by officials
Athletes must adapt their technique to each can presented.
Mixed Division champions are often considered the most complete crushers in the world.
3. Athlete Eligibility
To compete in sanctioned IFOCC events, participants must:
- Be physically capable of standing.
- Understand the difference between a crushed can and an uncrushed can.
- Accept that officiating decisions are final, especially when they are clearly wrong.
- Have spent a minimum of one season developing parking lot awareness.
4. Definition of a Crushed Can
A can shall be considered "Crushed" when:
- The vertical height has been reduced by at least 80%.
- The can can no longer reasonably function as a beverage container.
- At least three independent spectators immediately respond with:
- "Yep."
- "That's crushed."
- "Count it."
4.1 No-Crush Situations
A can shall NOT be considered crushed if:
- It merely tips over.
- It rolls away.
- The athlete misses entirely.
- The can survives with visible structural dignity.
- A spectator says "Try again."
4.2 Contested Crushes
In cases where a crush cannot be clearly determined:
- Competition is halted.
- The Head Referee conducts a visual inspection.
- The Director of Officiating performs the Official Squint Test.
- If disagreement remains, the matter is referred to the Can Review Committee.
The Committee's ruling is final unless someone argues loudly enough.
5. Competition Procedures
5.1 Setup
All cans must:
- Be placed on a reasonably flat surface.
- Be free from hidden defects.
- Not be intentionally pre-crushed.
- Not be filled with concrete, sand, gravel, or other performance-altering materials.
5.2 Athlete Approach
Competitors may:
- Walk up naturally.
- Perform ritualistic warm-up routines.
- Point at the can aggressively.
- Announce victory beforehand.
Competitors may not:
- Use tools.
- Use machinery.
- Recruit assistance from teammates.
- Ask someone else to crush it for them.
6. Official Roles
Commissioner of Crushing
The highest-ranking official
Responsibilities include:
- Setting policy.
- Maintaining federation standards.
- Making public statements nobody requested.
Director of Officiating
Rule & status arbiter
Responsible for:
- Rule interpretation.
- Officiating certification.
- Determining whether a can has achieved "crush status."
The Director's authority extends to all sanctioned events and at least three unsanctioned ones.
Head Referee
Competition supervisor
Duties include:
- Announcing attempts.
- Recording successful crushes.
- Calling violations.
- Pretending to understand the rulebook.
Competition Marshal
Safety & order enforcement
Ensures:
- Athlete safety.
- Spectator safety.
- Protection of nearby vehicles.
- General maintenance of order.
Historically the least successful position.
7. Prohibited Conduct
The following actions may result in penalties or suspension:
- Can tampering.
- Unauthorized pre-crushing.
- Bribing officials with beverages.
- Claiming a crush before impact.
- Unsportsmanlike can placement.
- Excessive whining following a ruling.
Repeat offenders may be placed on the IFOCC Watch List.
8. World Records
For a record to be recognized:
- Two officials must witness the attempt.
- One witness must be mostly paying attention.
- Video evidence is strongly encouraged.
- The can must actually exist.
IFOCC reserves the right to invalidate records if:
- Better stories emerge.
- The footage is too blurry.
- The athlete becomes unbearable afterward.
9. Hall of Fame
The IFOCC Hall of Fame recognizes individuals who have:
- Demonstrated exceptional crushing excellence.
- Advanced the science of can destruction.
- Created memorable moments in Federation history.
Nominees may be inducted posthumously (following catastrophic footwear failure).
10. Spirit of the Sport
While the Federation maintains rigorous standards, all participants are reminded that:
"A crusher's true legacy is not measured by the cans they flatten, but by the friends who argue about whether it counted."
The IFOCC is founded on competition, camaraderie, and the pursuit of the perfect crush.
Official Federation Motto
"One Chance. One Crush."
Ratified unanimously by members present, excluding those who had gone to get another round.
Player Statistics & Leaderboards
Analytics powered by CrunchMetrics
Ray Jackson
RECREATIONAL DIVISION
6'8" | 205 lb | Size 15 Foot
The Greek Freak
OPEN DIVISION
5'8" | 160 lb | Size 9 Foot
Owen Hart
MIXED DIVISION
6'0" | 165 lb | Size 11 Foot
Cooper Kupp
OPEN DIVISION
5'11" | 175 lb | Size 11 Foot
Federation Board of Directors
The minds behind the madness.
President
Clancy Wiggum
Head of Operations
Lionel Hutz (a.k.a. Miguel Sanchez)
Director of Officiating
Timothy Goren "Tim" Lovejoy, Jr.
Head Referee
Lenny Leonard
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